This is An Average ItaSaku
by distraught.hallelujah
Summary: An average ItaSaku, totally normal... or is it? Itachi awakes to find his contract breached, tied to his tree by a sour pink-haired adversary. Usually it's the other way around, isn't it? Time for Sakura to take her revenge. Rated T for some suggestive speech. ;)


Many thanks to my lovely beta-reader, Symphony17!

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Sakura Haruno – a sixteen year old Chunin from Konohagakure, the Village Hidden in Leaves, a picturesque village at the foot of a mountain surrounded by a pleasurable view of trees. Itachi Uchiha – a handsome well-known mass-murderer, formerly of Konohagakure, currently by his lonesome after faking his death by his brother's hand and escaping from the grip of the Akatsuki. Just what relation do they have to each other? Well, none at all. But that simply makes it all the more interesting, doesn't it?

Our story, or, rather, their story, begins somewhat far from Konohagakure.

The mission assigned to Sakura Haruno was a B-rank, a rank higher than C and D and lower than A and S. It seemed easy enough to the passing observer.

As it would happen, Sakura was plenty skilled enough to take care of such a simple mission by herself. Or she would have been, had she not come face-to-face with an adversary worthy of easily an A-rank mission, who, as you have probably guessed, was none other than the aforementioned Itachi Uchiha. Still wounded from his impressively faked death, Itachi Uchiha was making his living hanging around a cheap village stealing food from fields and skirts from clotheslines (which might explain his odd choice of apparel). The villagers, concerned that it could be some very odd bandits, had called the village of shinobi for assistance, and that was where Sakura came in.

Most people reading this story would automatically assume they knew where it was going. Sakura is attacked, falls unconscious, wakes up tied up by Itachi, romance, attempted escape, sexytimes, end of story. But no, it became much, much more serious than that. And the true seriousness of the situation was only made known when Itachi's eyes opened and he realized, with an increasingly heavy sinking feeling somewhere in his gut, that he had been tied up and was propped against a tree. And he found himself facing his pink-haired adversary.

"… This was not included in my contract," Itachi said, his voice somewhat uncertain, as would be the voice of one used to following plans and emerging victorious.

"Ha," Sakura replied, her voice somewhat triumphant, as would be the voice of one who is generally included on the losing side and for once has taken the advantage in a poor situation.

Itachi glanced down. Oh, yes. She had been very thorough with the rope-tying. Call it pages of experience, if you will, that Itachi had taught Sakura over the many stories involving her being incapacitated by ropes. Itachi knew how to tie ropes. The problem was that there had been too much of that and now Sakura did, too.

"I wouldn't move if I were you," Sakura said, stiffening slightly as she saw him testing the ropes by flexing an arm. "I stuck pins in your coat." This was stated rather smugly, as though believing she had done a fine job with it. Although it was not the best of plans, and perhaps some form of sedative or mild poison (the kind that made women feel a bit funny, remove all their clothes, and fall unconscious in a flamboyant manner) would have been Itachi's choice, the slight scratch he felt on his hand as he shifted a bit told him that it was not a bluff, and seemed to be mildly effective.

"I see," Itachi said somewhat painfully, not because of the pins. "Er… this is somewhat uncomfortable." And quite truthfully it was, though perhaps more discomfiting to the great Itachi Uchiha to be put in such a position than the soreness in his joints. At this, however, Sakura seemed to go through a moment of deep thought, after which she bit her lip.

"Well, too bad," she said. "I'm sick and tired of the girl being helplessly tied up. This is modern day! Girls can fend for themselves. Girls can be attacked and keep getting up too, you know. It's not only limited to Naruto and that strawberry-headed mythological creature with a huge sword from that show named after a cleaning product."

"Lysol?" Itachi suggested after a moment's thought.

"Something like that," Sakura said, waving her hand dismissively. "My point is that I am tired of meekly letting you capture me and falling in love like some mindless idiot. Bad enough that I have to fall in love with you. I mean, you're twice as old as I am, and your hair's practically graying!"

Itachi glanced up in a moment of surprise, but he could not see his own hair from his position. He frowned slightly. "In other words, you want to switch positions."

"Yes," Sakura said smugly. "For once, I'm going to be the one capturing you, instead of the other way around. And you're going to sit there and fall in love with me for no apparent reason while I get to be the stoic, tsundere captor. So too bad, Mister Uchiha, and I wish you luck."

"Mm…" Itachi said, looking like he was going to say something before shutting his mouth, his lips curling uncertainly. Sakura glanced at him, seemingly concerned.

"… what is it?" she asked uncertainly.

"Oh, nothing, sorry," Itachi said, avoiding her gaze with a sigh. "I was just thinking…"

"What?" Sakura asked, obviously concerned. "What is it?"

"It's nothing," Itachi said in a final sort of way, with an even deeper sigh. Sakura tsked in annoyance, folding and unfolding her arms and shifting her weight. She was obviously upset by his manner, which anyone could have guessed was his goal from the beginning. Judging by Sakura's expression, she knew that as well, and frowned.

"Whatever, then," she said, in a retorting sort of way. Itachi seemed satisfied. The truth, unbeknownst to Sakura, was that in her attempt to trap him and tie him up tightly, she had forgotten to remove the pouch of weapons that now dug into his hip from underneath the cloak. Knowing he could escape at any time just made it that much more amusing for Itachi.

"Oh, well, you've caught me," he said. "Yes, you've caught me well. Goodness me. This is a tight pinch I'm in." He said it more for the sake of saying it and to appease the wary Sakura than anything else. After all, Itachi was not an evil person. Far from it, in fact. Itachi was a kind soul. He only kicked puppies because if they grew up and contracted rabies, they could really hurt someone. Itachi was the kind of farsighted thinker he thought everyone in the world should be. The only pity was that Sakura was not impressed by his show. If anything, the forced angst that oozed from Itachi's pores only made her more wary.

"I won't try to escape," Itachi promised, "so you can take out these annoying pins."

"No way," Sakura replied. "I'm not getting caught by a fan with my hand down your pants."

Itachi was silent for a moment as her words ran through his head.

"Excuse me?" he asked politely. Of course he wasn't going to ask her if she meant that she had stuffed pins into his pants as well or if she was offering him a hand-job, so he chose the politest way he could in the situation he was granted, which was to leave out the important bits entirely.

"None of your business," Sakura snapped. Itachi sighed. It was simply getting nowhere. All he had had to do in the past was capture her, tie her up, orchestrate romance (which he was good at), sexytimes (which he was even better at), and end the story on a high note with the sunset and the hair blowing dramatically in the wind and so on. It made the girls happy. But now, besides the sudden turnaround, it seemed that Sakura had not nearly the practice he had nor the script to carry out this attempt. Luckily, Itachi had memorized both their scripts, and he could easily play her part. He cleared his throat.

"You won't get away with this," he growled in what sounded to a very surprised Sakura much like a bit of a falsetto.

"I won't?" she began, sounding somewhat surprised.

"Sasuke will rescue me," Itachi said with about as much certainty as he guessed Sakura would have. By this point, Sakura recognized her lines. She snorted.

"Right, and when has that ever happened?" she asked. The astounded expression on Itachi's face looked so real that Sakura was quite taken aback. He was a good actor, this man.

"He will!" Itachi exclaimed. "Let me go or you'll regret it!"

Sakura ignored him.

"You don't understand what you're doing! They'll stop at nothing to get me back! Don't smirk at me like you know what's going on. You make me sick." Itachi glared in much the manner a captive girl would have, which looked funny on his generally all-too-serious face.

"You can stop," Sakura said, turning a bit pink. "The next few lines… I mean, it's not even your script, so don't worry about it…"

"… can you let me go for just a bit?" Itachi asked with a slight whimper. "I… I really need to go to the bathroom." Sakura displayed a magnificent face-palm.

"Right, and then you'll attack me, and I'll enjoy it, and suddenly we'll be an item, I know how this goes," she said sharply. "Just quit it already."

"Actually, I really could use the bathroom," Itachi said matter-of-factly.

"I wouldn't fall for that," Sakura said smugly.

"I thought I'd have plenty of time for that while I went off and you tried to escape, but it turned out somewhat different from how I expected. Would you mind letting me go for a minute?"

"How stupid do you think I am?" Sakura demanded. Itachi glared at her so evilly that she took a half step back before quite realizing it.

"Let me go so that I may use the bathroom, or I will not humor your embarrassing attempts at playing my part for much longer," he said in a lofty sort of tone. Sakura leaned forward.

"Uh… right," she said, seeming somewhat defeated. "But next time, I'm going to be more assertive. I'll brush up on practice. I'm going to play your part next time!"

She began to unwind his ropes disappointedly. Itachi smiled as she finished.

"Thank you," he said. He ducked forward before she had time to step back and planted a kiss straight on her lips. She leapt back, surprised, and raised a shocked hand to her lips, and Itachi smiled as he stood and started plucking pins from his coat.

"Whatever you say, sweetheart," he said. "I'll let you off the hook then. Come. We'll talk to the authors and work out the roles. But first… where can I find a bathroom?"

The End


End file.
